Journey to a healthy me

I made some goals for March and so far I already dropped one of them... Taking my vitamins everyday. I have to figure out a way to remember to take them everyday. I just haven't figured that out yet.  With no binge eating... Well it's Day 14 and I am struggling!!! I feel so hungry. I had a light lunch because I have a bigger calorie dinner planned. Then I have oatmeal planned tonight after small group, where I hope they don't have snacks because I'm afraid I will binge. Social situations typically push me to binge or eat more than I would have. Last night I had friends come over. They were eating 3 to 4 pieces of pizza each... I had ONE and a salad. That was not my own will power though. God was helping me to make that decision to eat well. We had ice cream later... I weighed everything out to stay on target. It was tough, but it was worth it. I didn't work out yesterday or today and that is making me anxious because I don't like to not work out, but I know I...

I'm on Day 7 of not bingeing and it's getting tough. I've been working on some sample questions for the Praxis exam that I'm taking tomorrow. I just started studying yesterday and I'm getting pretty nervous about how I'm going to do. I need to study some more and I made a list of things I need to look at so that's what I'm going to do. However, I'm sitting here thinking about food and the chocolate in my cupboard that I haven't touched since I bought over a week ago is calling my name. I'm afraid if I start eating it, well I won't stop and it will probably be close to 1,000 calories or more of junk. I have chicken and veggies on the menu for dinner as well as oatmeal planned for a snack this evening. I have coffee brewing to hopefully help me be more alert and  make smart choices. I found this Almond Milk Creamer that has helped when I have a sweets craving. I typically drink my coffee black, but this is a treat, and it's pretty he...

For a while I have followed a ton of individuals on Instagram that are on a weight loss journey. Many of them make goals for each month. Well this month I decided to try this. March Goals: 1. Avoid Binge Eating- Now for me this can go from 0 to 100 in minutes. If I have a bad day I will just eat and eat and not stop. I will want more food even though I am completely full, but I connect feeling full with feeling happy... Bad connection. So far for March 2nd, 3rd, and 4th I have been successful. I've been planning my meals out an tracking them the night before (see number 4).  2. Drink 3 water bottles (21 ounces each) per day. Now today I desperately wanted to get my 3 in... Well I just chugged the remaining amount in my 3rd bottle right before bed... Bad idea I know. 3. Take vitamins daily- Well I'm already 1 for 3 on this one. My problem is I can't take them before I work out because I typically work out in the morning on an empty stomach, but I can't lug b...

You would think after losing close to 100 pounds that my relationship with food would have changed. However, right now I don't think it really has. I have found new foods that I enjoy and have learned to enjoy foods that I once abused. However, I still look to food for comfort. I still will grab something that looks good when I'm feeling down. I will eat even when I'm not necessarily hungry. I honestly am sick of feeling deprived with such low calories. I'm not quite happy with the weight I'm at, but I'm trying to accept it if I can't lose any more weight. I'm sabotaging myself even though I so badly want to lose more weight. Food has a grip on me and I'm struggling with self-control. This is where I'm at odds right now because of my faith. I lack self-control, which is a fruit of the spirit. I am a Christian, but my walk with Christ is horrible right now, and honestly has been for a long time. I just don't know where to start. Today I feel s...

I honestly don't take very many rest days. Usually Sundays I don't go to the gym but I tend to grocery shop and run errands. Today though, after only working a short shift, I rested. I listened to music, iced my knee (that's another post for another time), and reflected on this life I have been given. As I read a small devotional by A.W. Towzer about Christ loving the outcasts it reminded me lyrics from a song. ”Jesus loves the outcasts, he loves the ones the world just loves to hate ". This hits home. I was an outcast most of my life because of my weight and beliefs. Even today I feel like an outcast at times. It also reflects to my job. I work with a population that at times no one wants to work with. I just wish I could share Jesus with them and have them truly believe. Today I made positive food choices and I didn't even workout. 1350 is low but today was manageable. I need to find my rhythm again to eat well. There are too many temptations. Self control is so...

July 1, 2012 I made the decision that would ultimately change my life. I decided that I was going to take control of my health and weight. I woke up realizing I was sick and tired of the girl I kept seeing in the mirror. The smile on my face was fake. I remember the sizes all of the things I am wearing are. T-shirt was XXL, tank was XL, jeans were 20 short, the fleece was a men's XL, and my bra was most likely a snug 42 DD. Why do I remember the sizes? Probably because I was ashamed of the size I was. I was ashamed of the person I allowed myself to become. I hated that I allowed myself to get to a point of pure unhappiness where I honestly hated myself. Fast forward 2.5 years and I see a different person in the mirror. I see a young woman who smiles. I see a young woman that feels that she has worth. I see a young woman who feels more confident. I know the exact sizes I'm wearing in both pictures of me now... Is that bad? I don't think so. I know what I weigh ...

Since starting my journey in July 2012 my friend group has shrunk. Now there is not a direct correlation between losing friends and my weight loss journey. Some have moved, others have gotten married and fallen off the face of the earth (I'm a strong independent single woman if you haven't figured that out. Not that I'm opposed to getting married, I just haven't met the right person), people have changed churches, and my friends including myself have gotten new jobs that involve more responsibility. Anyways. Back in 2007/2008 I started to go to a new church. I really liked it A LOT. Then when my sister graduated she started attending in 2009ish. We've both stayed at the church, but right now I'm stuck because "my friends" don't hang out with me anymore... They hang out with my sister. I find things out through social media that I'm not invited to get coffee, yet almost EVERY Saturday these same people want to hang out at my apartment because 1....