Journey to a healthy me

Have you ever caught yourself comparing yourself to everyone around you? I know I have. I've compared myself from a very young age. When I was young I lived in a trailer... Often people would judge people who lived in a trailer, calling them "trailer trash". We didn't have much growing up. I never really had the fanciest clothes, name brand clothes, or the newest gadgets. I'd compare my weight, athletic ability, intelligence, where I was at in life, my personality, my talents, and my financial situation. Problem is this comparison trap is still ingrained into us as human beings. We want the next best thing. We want the newest laptop, the newest cell phone, the newest tablet, the newest car, the newest tv, the newest furniture, the newest bike, the newest fad, the newest "you fill in the blank". We want a different name, a new family, a new home, new friends, a new school, new teachers, etc. Even to this day, I get stuck wanting to be thinner, more at...

For the past 2 weeks life has had its ups and downs... Actually the last 4 months have had their ups and downs. Since my last post my cousin, who was only 20, was killed in a car accident. I still keep hoping it's a nightmare. As I try and plan a family vacation, it's difficult thinking she won't be there... I keep thinking I'll go to her house and she'll be there. However she won't be. It's hard when you don't get to tell someone goodbye or that you love them as much as you do. I've also had some great stuff go on in my life. God was definitely in that and the bad. This person I've known for years finally caught my attention. The last 3 or 4 months have been pretty new and exciting and scary. Then the last 2 weeks have been awful. My hear races for no reason. I wake up anxious. I lose sleep. I'm sick to my stomach. It's unexplainable. It's tough when you have an inclining that it's Satan trying to attack. I'm in a good pla...

Today is Thanksgiving. At the beginning of the week, I wasn't looking forward to celebrating. All I had to do was change my perspective. I had to remind myself I'm thankful for family and friends. I'm thankful for the all the complicated things that come with family and with friends. I'm ok with that.  Today I'm thankful for my weight loss journey. I'm getting to a point that I am finally accepting who I see staring back at me in the mirror. Probably won't be happy in the morning after all the food I ate, but I just start back at it in the morning.  I'm thankful for new beginnings and everything that comes with those.  Happy Thanksgiving!

The last 3 years have been a roller coaster journey. I have lost 100 pounds (gained some back), finished my Masters Degree, received 3 promotions, including beginning my career as a School Guidance Counselor, and moved out of my parents house. Even with all of those positives I'm not where I want to be. I thought I would have met the man of my dreams by now and had gotten married. Instead I am single with no relationship on the horizon. It's discouraging when everything else has fallen into place but the thing you've longed for your entire life has not. The thing you pray God would bless you with just doesn't seem like it's happening. While everyone around me is beginning a new relationship, getting engaged, planning a wedding, getting married, thinking about starting a family, or having children, I'm sitting here wondering what's wrong with me. Have I done something to mess the prospect of having a relationship? Am I that undesirable? The last few weeks ...

I have discovered that after losing nearly 100 pounds my obsession with food is more difficult than ever before. When I was overweight I didn't "think" much about food. I just ate and ate and ate some more. I never really thought about calories, which is how I got to weigh over 250 pounds. However, now I obsess quite a bit about calories. I obsess over the calories I eat as well as the calories I burn from exercise... I obsess over what I put in my body, however, not in a good way... I count every calorie unless I'm binge eating then I just feel more obsessed and don't bother counting because I feel like I've failed.  I wish I could eat like a "normal" person and be able to enjoy everything in moderation. However, I don't know if I will ever be able to do that. As I sit here and type this I am waiting for my friends to leave my house so I can obsess over what I'm going to eat tomorrow.  In Matthew 6:25-34 it says  “Therefore I tell you, d...

I made some goals for March and so far I already dropped one of them... Taking my vitamins everyday. I have to figure out a way to remember to take them everyday. I just haven't figured that out yet.  With no binge eating... Well it's Day 14 and I am struggling!!! I feel so hungry. I had a light lunch because I have a bigger calorie dinner planned. Then I have oatmeal planned tonight after small group, where I hope they don't have snacks because I'm afraid I will binge. Social situations typically push me to binge or eat more than I would have. Last night I had friends come over. They were eating 3 to 4 pieces of pizza each... I had ONE and a salad. That was not my own will power though. God was helping me to make that decision to eat well. We had ice cream later... I weighed everything out to stay on target. It was tough, but it was worth it. I didn't work out yesterday or today and that is making me anxious because I don't like to not work out, but I know I...

I'm on Day 7 of not bingeing and it's getting tough. I've been working on some sample questions for the Praxis exam that I'm taking tomorrow. I just started studying yesterday and I'm getting pretty nervous about how I'm going to do. I need to study some more and I made a list of things I need to look at so that's what I'm going to do. However, I'm sitting here thinking about food and the chocolate in my cupboard that I haven't touched since I bought over a week ago is calling my name. I'm afraid if I start eating it, well I won't stop and it will probably be close to 1,000 calories or more of junk. I have chicken and veggies on the menu for dinner as well as oatmeal planned for a snack this evening. I have coffee brewing to hopefully help me be more alert and  make smart choices. I found this Almond Milk Creamer that has helped when I have a sweets craving. I typically drink my coffee black, but this is a treat, and it's pretty he...