Journey to a healthy me

As a school counselor, I'm here to help students, sometimes I being firm is important. But today I feel defeat. My feeling of defeat are not only in my career, but also my personal life. I finally stepped on the scale after getting married and the number staring back at me is not where I want to be... I am scared to go back to where I've been. I've had a lot of changes in my life attributing to that weight gain. Starting a new relationships, starting a lovely medication that has too many side effects to list, moving, getting married, and just trying to figure out a "normal" life. I feel defeat when it comes to eating well, exercising, and being myself. My clothes don't fit so I'm squeezing into clothes because I can't buy new clothes right now and don't want to admit defeat in having to buy bigger clothes. I'm trying so hard to just be "normal" but I can't be anything close to normal. I have to go back to trying to get my eating

 ... I've gained weight back. At my lowest I weighed right about 156 pounds, which was about a 100 pound weight loss. Well I'm back up to 177 pounds, but as someone in my life keeps telling me, "Don't think about the weight you gained back. Think about the weight you've lost". So considering my starting weight was 256 pounds, I'm down 79 pounds all on my own without supplements, gimmicks, etc. With a 21 pound weight gain I haven't noticed it too much, except for some of my clothes don't fit too well and my body in the mirror makes me cringe a little. Vacation is coming up and I need to fit in my summer clothes. I can do it. I just can't beat myself up over making mistakes and getting out of routine. Depression has been pretty rough lately and anxiety has somewhat subsided. It's still rough some days when I think too much about things going on in my life. Things in my life are pretty good, minus some situations out of my control that I wil

I don't know if it's state testing this week or a combination of everything going on, but I'm wondering if I've pigeon-holed myself into my career as a school counselor? Should I have not rushed to finish my degree? Should I have worked on being eligible to take the NCE? I don't want to spend anymore money. I'm already having to work in order to pay off my debt. I don't know how to get rid of it faster, except for working more, which will just wear me down even more. My food has been so off lately too. I hate what I see in the mirror and it's a huge struggle to get out of bed. It's hard knowing I've let myself fall backwards. I don't know. I was on track today, then of course sweets drag me down. I have to teach Zumba tomorrow and I don't feel like it... I need to learn new songs, but I don't know what to do to learn them and I feel that I'm not wanting to teach anymore. I love Zumba, but I don't know if it's something

Have you ever caught yourself comparing yourself to everyone around you? I know I have. I've compared myself from a very young age. When I was young I lived in a trailer... Often people would judge people who lived in a trailer, calling them "trailer trash". We didn't have much growing up. I never really had the fanciest clothes, name brand clothes, or the newest gadgets. I'd compare my weight, athletic ability, intelligence, where I was at in life, my personality, my talents, and my financial situation. Problem is this comparison trap is still ingrained into us as human beings. We want the next best thing. We want the newest laptop, the newest cell phone, the newest tablet, the newest car, the newest tv, the newest furniture, the newest bike, the newest fad, the newest "you fill in the blank". We want a different name, a new family, a new home, new friends, a new school, new teachers, etc. Even to this day, I get stuck wanting to be thinner, more at

For the past 2 weeks life has had its ups and downs... Actually the last 4 months have had their ups and downs. Since my last post my cousin, who was only 20, was killed in a car accident. I still keep hoping it's a nightmare. As I try and plan a family vacation, it's difficult thinking she won't be there... I keep thinking I'll go to her house and she'll be there. However she won't be. It's hard when you don't get to tell someone goodbye or that you love them as much as you do. I've also had some great stuff go on in my life. God was definitely in that and the bad. This person I've known for years finally caught my attention. The last 3 or 4 months have been pretty new and exciting and scary. Then the last 2 weeks have been awful. My hear races for no reason. I wake up anxious. I lose sleep. I'm sick to my stomach. It's unexplainable. It's tough when you have an inclining that it's Satan trying to attack. I'm in a good pla