Journey to a healthy me

A lot has happened since I last posted in April! We bought a house!!! It's a work in progress and definitely has been worth it though. We almost have our living room in one piece! Just some wainscoting and shiplap for a wall. It's been a good experience. We still have 4 rooms to work on. Some are just paint others are more wallpaper stripping 😰... My weight loss journey hasn't been going well. I'm at a bad place where I lost sight of my new lifestyle. Today has started off much better than the past. I took the day off work. I made eggs and sausage for breakfast and am enjoying a protein shake for lunch. We have dinner plans so I'm trying to behave a little bit this morning/ afternoon so I can thoroughly enjoy dinner. I'm considering today a starting over point. It's gotta happen for me to be happy. Is it going to be hard.... Yep. But will it be worth it.... Yes!

I know few people read my blog because I'm not very consistent in blogging in general. I hope I don't overshare. My last post in November was the start of a pretty bad downward spiral. Depression creeped up on me. I tried to just do what I know works, but nothing worked. I had no motivation to exercise in general or eat well. The scale is not my friend right now, but that was my own fault. I ate too much, didn't move enough, and didn't think that I'd be where I am today. My lowest weight was 156 pounds, and I wasn't happy there. My "happy weight" is about 168-175. I've gained about 30-35 pounds above that happy weight. It's been discouraging. Anxiety has been through the roof and the only way I've been dealing with it is laying down and sleeping. I'm shutting people out, not socializing at all. Last week I had some pretty scary side effects to a medication millions of women take everyday in one form or another. I was having pretty s

As a school counselor, I'm here to help students, sometimes I being firm is important. But today I feel defeat. My feeling of defeat are not only in my career, but also my personal life. I finally stepped on the scale after getting married and the number staring back at me is not where I want to be... I am scared to go back to where I've been. I've had a lot of changes in my life attributing to that weight gain. Starting a new relationships, starting a lovely medication that has too many side effects to list, moving, getting married, and just trying to figure out a "normal" life. I feel defeat when it comes to eating well, exercising, and being myself. My clothes don't fit so I'm squeezing into clothes because I can't buy new clothes right now and don't want to admit defeat in having to buy bigger clothes. I'm trying so hard to just be "normal" but I can't be anything close to normal. I have to go back to trying to get my eating

 ... I've gained weight back. At my lowest I weighed right about 156 pounds, which was about a 100 pound weight loss. Well I'm back up to 177 pounds, but as someone in my life keeps telling me, "Don't think about the weight you gained back. Think about the weight you've lost". So considering my starting weight was 256 pounds, I'm down 79 pounds all on my own without supplements, gimmicks, etc. With a 21 pound weight gain I haven't noticed it too much, except for some of my clothes don't fit too well and my body in the mirror makes me cringe a little. Vacation is coming up and I need to fit in my summer clothes. I can do it. I just can't beat myself up over making mistakes and getting out of routine. Depression has been pretty rough lately and anxiety has somewhat subsided. It's still rough some days when I think too much about things going on in my life. Things in my life are pretty good, minus some situations out of my control that I wil

I don't know if it's state testing this week or a combination of everything going on, but I'm wondering if I've pigeon-holed myself into my career as a school counselor? Should I have not rushed to finish my degree? Should I have worked on being eligible to take the NCE? I don't want to spend anymore money. I'm already having to work in order to pay off my debt. I don't know how to get rid of it faster, except for working more, which will just wear me down even more. My food has been so off lately too. I hate what I see in the mirror and it's a huge struggle to get out of bed. It's hard knowing I've let myself fall backwards. I don't know. I was on track today, then of course sweets drag me down. I have to teach Zumba tomorrow and I don't feel like it... I need to learn new songs, but I don't know what to do to learn them and I feel that I'm not wanting to teach anymore. I love Zumba, but I don't know if it's something

Have you ever caught yourself comparing yourself to everyone around you? I know I have. I've compared myself from a very young age. When I was young I lived in a trailer... Often people would judge people who lived in a trailer, calling them "trailer trash". We didn't have much growing up. I never really had the fanciest clothes, name brand clothes, or the newest gadgets. I'd compare my weight, athletic ability, intelligence, where I was at in life, my personality, my talents, and my financial situation. Problem is this comparison trap is still ingrained into us as human beings. We want the next best thing. We want the newest laptop, the newest cell phone, the newest tablet, the newest car, the newest tv, the newest furniture, the newest bike, the newest fad, the newest "you fill in the blank". We want a different name, a new family, a new home, new friends, a new school, new teachers, etc. Even to this day, I get stuck wanting to be thinner, more at