Journey to a healthy me

Today is Thanksgiving. At the beginning of the week, I wasn't looking forward to celebrating. All I had to do was change my perspective. I had to remind myself I'm thankful for family and friends. I'm thankful for the all the complicated things that come with family and with friends. I'm ok with that.  Today I'm thankful for my weight loss journey. I'm getting to a point that I am finally accepting who I see staring back at me in the mirror. Probably won't be happy in the morning after all the food I ate, but I just start back at it in the morning.  I'm thankful for new beginnings and everything that comes with those.  Happy Thanksgiving!

The last 3 years have been a roller coaster journey. I have lost 100 pounds (gained some back), finished my Masters Degree, received 3 promotions, including beginning my career as a School Guidance Counselor, and moved out of my parents house. Even with all of those positives I'm not where I want to be. I thought I would have met the man of my dreams by now and had gotten married. Instead I am single with no relationship on the horizon. It's discouraging when everything else has fallen into place but the thing you've longed for your entire life has not. The thing you pray God would bless you with just doesn't seem like it's happening. While everyone around me is beginning a new relationship, getting engaged, planning a wedding, getting married, thinking about starting a family, or having children, I'm sitting here wondering what's wrong with me. Have I done something to mess the prospect of having a relationship? Am I that undesirable? The last few weeks

I have discovered that after losing nearly 100 pounds my obsession with food is more difficult than ever before. When I was overweight I didn't "think" much about food. I just ate and ate and ate some more. I never really thought about calories, which is how I got to weigh over 250 pounds. However, now I obsess quite a bit about calories. I obsess over the calories I eat as well as the calories I burn from exercise... I obsess over what I put in my body, however, not in a good way... I count every calorie unless I'm binge eating then I just feel more obsessed and don't bother counting because I feel like I've failed.  I wish I could eat like a "normal" person and be able to enjoy everything in moderation. However, I don't know if I will ever be able to do that. As I sit here and type this I am waiting for my friends to leave my house so I can obsess over what I'm going to eat tomorrow.  In Matthew 6:25-34 it says  “Therefore I tell you, d

I made some goals for March and so far I already dropped one of them... Taking my vitamins everyday. I have to figure out a way to remember to take them everyday. I just haven't figured that out yet.  With no binge eating... Well it's Day 14 and I am struggling!!! I feel so hungry. I had a light lunch because I have a bigger calorie dinner planned. Then I have oatmeal planned tonight after small group, where I hope they don't have snacks because I'm afraid I will binge. Social situations typically push me to binge or eat more than I would have. Last night I had friends come over. They were eating 3 to 4 pieces of pizza each... I had ONE and a salad. That was not my own will power though. God was helping me to make that decision to eat well. We had ice cream later... I weighed everything out to stay on target. It was tough, but it was worth it. I didn't work out yesterday or today and that is making me anxious because I don't like to not work out, but I know I

I'm on Day 7 of not bingeing and it's getting tough. I've been working on some sample questions for the Praxis exam that I'm taking tomorrow. I just started studying yesterday and I'm getting pretty nervous about how I'm going to do. I need to study some more and I made a list of things I need to look at so that's what I'm going to do. However, I'm sitting here thinking about food and the chocolate in my cupboard that I haven't touched since I bought over a week ago is calling my name. I'm afraid if I start eating it, well I won't stop and it will probably be close to 1,000 calories or more of junk. I have chicken and veggies on the menu for dinner as well as oatmeal planned for a snack this evening. I have coffee brewing to hopefully help me be more alert and  make smart choices. I found this Almond Milk Creamer that has helped when I have a sweets craving. I typically drink my coffee black, but this is a treat, and it's pretty he

For a while I have followed a ton of individuals on Instagram that are on a weight loss journey. Many of them make goals for each month. Well this month I decided to try this. March Goals: 1. Avoid Binge Eating- Now for me this can go from 0 to 100 in minutes. If I have a bad day I will just eat and eat and not stop. I will want more food even though I am completely full, but I connect feeling full with feeling happy... Bad connection. So far for March 2nd, 3rd, and 4th I have been successful. I've been planning my meals out an tracking them the night before (see number 4).  2. Drink 3 water bottles (21 ounces each) per day. Now today I desperately wanted to get my 3 in... Well I just chugged the remaining amount in my 3rd bottle right before bed... Bad idea I know. 3. Take vitamins daily- Well I'm already 1 for 3 on this one. My problem is I can't take them before I work out because I typically work out in the morning on an empty stomach, but I can't lug b

You would think after losing close to 100 pounds that my relationship with food would have changed. However, right now I don't think it really has. I have found new foods that I enjoy and have learned to enjoy foods that I once abused. However, I still look to food for comfort. I still will grab something that looks good when I'm feeling down. I will eat even when I'm not necessarily hungry. I honestly am sick of feeling deprived with such low calories. I'm not quite happy with the weight I'm at, but I'm trying to accept it if I can't lose any more weight. I'm sabotaging myself even though I so badly want to lose more weight. Food has a grip on me and I'm struggling with self-control. This is where I'm at odds right now because of my faith. I lack self-control, which is a fruit of the spirit. I am a Christian, but my walk with Christ is horrible right now, and honestly has been for a long time. I just don't know where to start. Today I feel s

I honestly don't take very many rest days. Usually Sundays I don't go to the gym but I tend to grocery shop and run errands. Today though, after only working a short shift, I rested. I listened to music, iced my knee (that's another post for another time), and reflected on this life I have been given. As I read a small devotional by A.W. Towzer about Christ loving the outcasts it reminded me lyrics from a song. ”Jesus loves the outcasts, he loves the ones the world just loves to hate ". This hits home. I was an outcast most of my life because of my weight and beliefs. Even today I feel like an outcast at times. It also reflects to my job. I work with a population that at times no one wants to work with. I just wish I could share Jesus with them and have them truly believe. Today I made positive food choices and I didn't even workout. 1350 is low but today was manageable. I need to find my rhythm again to eat well. There are too many temptations. Self control is so

July 1, 2012 I made the decision that would ultimately change my life. I decided that I was going to take control of my health and weight. I woke up realizing I was sick and tired of the girl I kept seeing in the mirror. The smile on my face was fake. I remember the sizes all of the things I am wearing are. T-shirt was XXL, tank was XL, jeans were 20 short, the fleece was a men's XL, and my bra was most likely a snug 42 DD. Why do I remember the sizes? Probably because I was ashamed of the size I was. I was ashamed of the person I allowed myself to become. I hated that I allowed myself to get to a point of pure unhappiness where I honestly hated myself. Fast forward 2.5 years and I see a different person in the mirror. I see a young woman who smiles. I see a young woman that feels that she has worth. I see a young woman who feels more confident. I know the exact sizes I'm wearing in both pictures of me now... Is that bad? I don't think so. I know what I weigh