2.5 years

July 1, 2012 I made the decision that would ultimately change my life. I decided that I was going to take control of my health and weight. I woke up realizing I was sick and tired of the girl I kept seeing in the mirror.


The smile on my face was fake. I remember the sizes all of the things I am wearing are. T-shirt was XXL, tank was XL, jeans were 20 short, the fleece was a men's XL, and my bra was most likely a snug 42 DD. Why do I remember the sizes? Probably because I was ashamed of the size I was. I was ashamed of the person I allowed myself to become. I hated that I allowed myself to get to a point of pure unhappiness where I honestly hated myself.

Fast forward 2.5 years and I see a different person in the mirror.


I see a young woman who smiles. I see a young woman that feels that she has worth. I see a young woman who feels more confident. I know the exact sizes I'm wearing in both pictures of me now... Is that bad? I don't think so. I know what I weigh today and it scares me to go back to the person I used to be... Does the scale mean everything... No... But have I really changed my perception and approach to food?


I restrict my calories so much that these past few weeks I have binged. I don't think I meet criteria for a binge-eating disorder or anything, but I feel the past few weeks have been rough. My mind set surrounding food has not been to nourish my body, but to help me deal with my emotions...

I'm still working out like crazy... I don't know if I'm overdoing it. I take Zumba class at least 7 times a week and a strength training class at least twice, but if I miss that I end up going and doing my own thing at the gym. Right now I'm in a scary point because I hate who I see in the mirror now... My clothes hide a multitude of flaws and I'm struggling to keep my eating under control. I think the stress I'm allowing myself to feel is part of it. I'm 25, and I know most 25 years old don't know what they want to do with their life, I do know, but I'm not in a job that is my dream yet. I'm scared because getting a job in my field may mean moving FAR AWAY from my family and friends.

SO for now I'm going to focus on doing my best to manage my diet and exercise. It' s lifestyle and I'm realizing more and more this journey is forever, not short term. Can I maintain this exercise regimen as well as change in food habits FOREVER? I'm not going back to the person I was 2.5 years, but I need to find balance in order to be able to be successful.

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