My relationship with food

You would think after losing close to 100 pounds that my relationship with food would have changed. However, right now I don't think it really has. I have found new foods that I enjoy and have learned to enjoy foods that I once abused. However, I still look to food for comfort. I still will grab something that looks good when I'm feeling down. I will eat even when I'm not necessarily hungry. I honestly am sick of feeling deprived with such low calories. I'm not quite happy with the weight I'm at, but I'm trying to accept it if I can't lose any more weight. I'm sabotaging myself even though I so badly want to lose more weight. Food has a grip on me and I'm struggling with self-control. This is where I'm at odds right now because of my faith. I lack self-control, which is a fruit of the spirit. I am a Christian, but my walk with Christ is horrible right now, and honestly has been for a long time. I just don't know where to start. Today I feel so far from God, even though I know he is with me.

I just wish I could find a person to help me learn how to move forward and how to embrace Christ's love. I have been making all the decisions for my life without taking my faith into consideration. I fail to pray, I fail to meditate, and I fail to embrace the faith that I have and apply it to my life. Why??? I don't know. I fear that all of the years before today were fake regarding following Christ. The camps I worked at, the friendships I made, the lessons I taught: Was I a fake? I don't know if it's my age and that I'm just so unsure of the future but I am questioning what's next.

I want to surrender to Christ, yet I'm scared. And honestly I can't completely surrender because I'm in debt up to my eyeballs that I can't see a way out... Even if I were to pick up and move on my own I can't afford it.

I need to get back on track financially and regarding my self control with food.

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